I became very angry it got to the point that I learned how to block out the pain. My anger arose so fast I needed to release this anger that began to consume my life. Abuse Is what I knew, I began picking fights with anyone that I could find or anyone that said something to make me mad. When I was 13 the rage became so unbearable I got into a fight at school. When I fought the only thing I focused on was the fight itself, I couldn’t see anything that was going on around me all my attention was consumed. I felt someone grab my arm I urn and swung.
As I was tackled to the ground I had realized what I had Just done. I punched a cop. I was arrested. My mom came and picked me up at the police station. Charges were dropped but my Mom was told if I continued on this path it was only a matter of time before I did something regrettable. Her solution was to move out of Colorado and took me to Maine. In the beginning of my “new life” in Maine things were not any better for me I had so much anger I would lash out all the time. I had a very hard time keeping friends because I lashed out all the time.
All this did was made me even angrier and I began to hate everything and everyone. Once I became of age to work I began to Just focus on making money and not worrying about anything or anyone. My mother did the best she could but bills became my responsibility. By the age of 21 1 held three Jobs Just so my mother and I could survive. The Job I hated the most ended up becoming the most member able, It was McDonald’s in the small town of Gray. While working there on my breaks I would go over to Cumberland Farms and started to hang out with this guy Justine.
On September 19, 2004 at seven o’clock at night I went in to Cumberland farms to visit my friend and that’s when I saw her. Down and the curls bounced as she laughed and talk. She wore a beautiful solid pink button up shirt and a pair of black paints with pink pin stripes. A pink lace shawl wrapped around her waist flowed gently as if there had been a light breeze in the room. It started out with a brief introduction, her name was Jamie. I could barely mutter out my own name let alone start a conversation. Before I knew it I had to go back to ark and she was going out to a club with Justine as soon as he got off work.
I was angry at myself for not asking for her number, but I Just couldn’t do it. What would a girl like that want with a guy like me? I went back to work but all I could think of was Jamie, who knew that someone that put up a front for so long could feel this way. I ran the drive thru and messed up order after order. Was I going completely crazy? Things like this don’t happy in real life, my life defiantly was no fairy tale… My head set start beeping yet again, other order for me to mess up. The car pulled around and it was Jamie little did I know she was having the same feelings.
When she got to the window and I asked her for the money for her order. She gave it to me then I gave her food, then I asked her if she need anything else like my phone number and she said here’s mine call me when you get out and maybe we can get together. I waited about ten minutes and called her and she asked when I got off work so I said about one in the morning. She said she would be outside when I got out. It was the longest four hours of my life but for the first time I found myself not angry anymore, I was excited.
Even if it meant that we would be Just friends it didn’t matter to me. When I got out of work she was in the parking lot. I got in her car and we headed to the only place opened late at night, Dunking Donuts in Winding. We stayed in the car in the parking lot talking till the sun came up. We did the same thing the next two nights I became comfortable with her, a feeling that I had never felt before. I shared my past with someone that Just a few days ago was a complete stranger. She understood me, and didn’t Judge me. Over the next ten years she helped me to come a lot calmer.
She also made me realize that when I was with her and happy I didn’t have any anger. I was able to let go of everything that had happened to me and just focus on her. We spent a lot of time talking about how I could deal with my anger in ways that were nonviolent. When I use to get mad fighting was the best way to deal with the person that made me mad. Jamie through time and patience helped me to focus on talking things out instead of fighting and only fight if I had no other choice. To tell you the truth I thought she was crazy at first but I came to understand her.