I believe that life is a Journey and every moment of this Journey is valuable. I came to America last August from China. This is my first visit to a foreign country. My flight took off from Beijing Capital International Airport and headed for Chicago to transfer. After 13 hours of flying, our airplane finally landed in Chicago. At that moment when my feet tread on the land of America, I was excited and a little nervous. Taking a look at this absolutely different country and those strange faces, a feeling of uncertainty shrouded me. In my heart, I knew a new Journey of my life had begun.
On a whim, I opened my photograph folder In my computer. The dates and places written on the photos led me on a Journey through my memories. I saw the path that led me to where I am today. I left home to go to college at the age of 19. After I graduated, I went to a remote rural area to help farmers grow chickens as a veterinarian Then I went to Beijing for my graduate work and found a job in a biotechnology company. Finally, I got this fantastic opportunity to study at the university of Tennessee. Flipping through those photos, I miss those places I have been to and those people whose life journey have intersections with mine.
I am thankful for those things and people that made me grow up. Recently, a band called “Good sisters” became very popular in China. This band is comprised of two young men. I felt immediately fascinated by the cover of their first album. It is a patchwork of all their used train or plane tickets. The name of album is called “The north and south” . Those tickets recorded the Journey of their lives. After graduating from college, they started seeking a Job everywhere throughout the country; then quit their Jobs and started writing songs; after releasing their first album, they began their national performing tour.
One Chinese writers who became famous in ass was called “San Mao”. She, a gangly woman with long hair, traveled around the world with her book and pen. She once studied in Spain, Germany, and America and knew five languages. In 1973, she finally settled in the Western Sahara Desert after marrying a Spanish man. After her husband died, she came back to Taiwan and taught In a university. Sponsored by a magazine,she then began her world traveling In Central and South America for half a year. Unfortunately, she finally ended her life Journey by hanging herself with silk stocking In age of 48.
She once said “It does not matter how long you lived, but whether or not you have truly lived ” Yes, some day we will all die, and those past days will never come back again. So, Instead of feeling nostalgic for the good old days, why not Just cherish every moment of right now? Destination is and however long this Journey will be, Just enjoy every moment of this journey. I attached an edited copy of your essay. I corrected some very small things without making any notations, and made notations on the ones I thought would be most helpful as you continue to improve your English. I thought it was very well written, overall.
Your sentences and paragraphs flowed well and were easily understandable. One suggestion I have, though, is to alter the structure of the paragraphs. It seems to me that your essay begins by stating your point, then elaborating on your point in the first paragraph, and then the following paragraphs give reasons why you believe your point. At least, I think that’s what you were trying to do. I had to read it through a couple times to figure that out though, because the paragraphs do not connect naturally to each other. Feel free to respond with any questions, and also feel free to take or leave my advice. I only hope it helps. See you Friday!