It was a promise of wonderful happenings. I made that promise with a smile easily. Seeing me Like this, she couldn’t help but smiled at me, too. The small breeze and the warm sun fits the lovely morning perfectly. Slating In her wheelchair, she began to sing her favorite song while I pushed her around the garden. Ever since she had this disease, her mobility gradually decreased. It was expected that she would need to rely on a wheelchair someday. Even though she couldn’t walk, I admired how she could still sing happily despite of what she was going through.
My sister has Parkinson Disease, and I could still remember my parents’ expression when they were told about it. After two years of treatment, the doctor asked us to be prepared for the worst. It was painful to accept it, but I did it anyway. As her older brother, I mustn’t let her worry too much. So, instead of showing my depression, I always faked a smile whenever I’m with her. She didn’t know about her current condition yet, so it was really painful to bear. I became the hypocrite who smiled at her sister and lied that everything Is alright.
As time goes on, the smile became easier to make, and my insolence haunted me so much so that I had to cry sometimes In my bed. Finally, I made a grave mistake- An Impossible promised was made to her. “Hey, let’s go to the waterfall once you get well. After that, we can do lots of stuff together,” I said it without giving a second thought. “Why waterfall? It’s boring,” my sister finally replied after a moment of humming her favorite tune. I laughed a bit and said:” Huh? How can you say that? The sensation you feel when the water is pouring all over you, which is much better than our shower.
And let’s not forget about the fresh air. Man, this place is reeked with smoke! After hearing this, my sister was getting excited about going to the waterfall, especially the part where I said it feels better than our shower. Unfortunately for her, she developed dementia during her two years of illness. Her memories and her writing ability was even affected. That time, I was sure that she could have forgotten about the promise. But somehow, compelled by the work of a miracle, my sister managed to remember the promise I wanted her to forget. On the contrary, she could easily forget she had her meal.
Every night, after we had our dinner, she would often asked: “Can you find snakes in the waterfall? Or “Maybe an ice-cream would be good after the swim, right? ” I answered her repeated questions patiently. Not only that, I had even suggest about hunting wild rabbits at the forest nearby. Our conversation was full of laughter, and I realized my parents’ were having a bitter smile at the corner. After all, she didn’t have long to live. The empty promise was made out of obligation to make her happy, which made me feel awfully guilty. On her birthday, I gave her a postcard with a picture of a waterfall. Who… Are you? ” She asked the stranger who handed her the postcard. “I’m your big brother, don’t you remember? I bent down and answered her. She lifted the postcard In her hand and looked at It; Her movements were slow and weak “Ah, waterfall… ” She said It with a slight smile. Her time was near, but I couldn’t say anything. So I kneeled down and hugged her tightly, she struggled a bit at first, but long hug, one that was long enough to let me finish my crying. You could say that my tears are filled with guilt and regret from my heart.
I may not be worthy to hug my own sister, but it was my only comfort, my only way to feel forgiven. “You will get well,” I told her softly as my arms grew tighter around her. I lied again, but I could feel her smile, reassuring me till the very end. A cloudy afternoon in the mid of June, she was on her bed in the hospital. This time, she couldn’t sing. I was beside her while my parents were away for lunch outside the hospital. Her eyes were blank, as if there wasn’t a soul left in them. Her gaze was fixed to the postcard in her right hand, and she grinned a bit from time to time.
I couldn’t stand her being like this, so I immediately took out my cell phone and downloaded a video of people playing at the waterfall. I showed her the video, “Hey, you like it? ” and the video immediately caught ere attention, and completely forgot about the postcard in her hand. “Wa… Fall,” she couldn’t speak properly anymore, so I said for her:” That’s right, a waterfall… ” She sounded like she agreed of what I’ve said, and mumbled something. She continued to watch and indulged herself into the video happily. Her eyes that were dead as first reflected the light of the screen and became alive.
Seeing her like this, I let out a sigh of relief, and watched her enjoying the video silently. The thunder began to roar and the sky rained heavily. I figured that my parents would not be back for a while since it was raining heavily. “Water… All? I was surprised by her sudden question. I nodded to her and said:” Yea, it’s waterfall everywhere. ” After a brief pause, I added:” Ah… But you can’t play right now… ” My sister seemed satisfied with the ‘waterfall’ outside and giggled a little like an innocent child. I felt a nail pricking my heart when I saw her like that.
So, I came up with an idea. I prepared her wheelchair. “Ham? ” she seemed rather surprised of what I’m doing. “Careful,” I carried her and gently put her on her wheelchair. Along with her drip, I pushed the wheelchair near the window. “WA…! ” Her eyes went wide and unconsciously stuck her palms onto the window. I could tell she was getting excited. While she was occupied with the rain outside, I went to get myself a cup of water. While pouring the water, I noticed an edge was visible under her pillow. Curious, I decided to go check it out. And to my surprised, it was an envelope for me.
I opened the envelope to read the letter inside. A sense of strange feeling surged through me, and it wasn’t good. The letter said: “Dear Brother, I’m really happy that you are reading my letter. You know, it’s quite troublesome to write with my current condition. So, I’m only able to stretch out as far as I can in writing this letter. Anyway;ay, back to the point. I have a confession to make. To tell the truth, I already got an idea of my condition. I’m not getting better, am l? ” I stopped reading. What? Huh? My mind is filled with confusion.
I looked at her who was still glued to the window, and came back to the letter. “… Mom and dad was acting strange after talking to the doctor that day. You were acting strange, too. So I begged the nurse to tell me. She hesitated at first, and told me I wasn’t doing good. I’m not stupid, so I know my fate already. Also, I do not know what kind of madness compelled you to make such a promise to me. Idiot, why on earth did you make such a promise?! Please, don’t make promises you can’t keep, okay? ” I paused for a while as my eyes turned red. “… But I’m happy.
This way of doing things is really your style. So, I’m not going to for me to continue living in this world of despair and hopelessness… In one of the rare moments when I’m actually aware, you were crying while hugging me. I know why you were crying, so I kept silent, but it really hurts my heart. You must be sad because it wasn’t possible, but don’t be. If we couldn’t make it to the waterfall, let our hearts be there instead. ” Hey! I don’t like this kind of setting. The tears I tried so hard to hold back finally escaped. ” So please forgive yourself, because I never blamed you, not even once.
Sigh, this is really a rare moment. Now that I’m aware, I wont let this chance slip by to write you this letter. After all, I don’t know when will I get a chance like this again. But by the time you read this, I may have already lose myself, or rather, not here anymore… Anyway;ay, sorry for troubling you, and take care of mom and dad for me. Lots of love, Caroline. ” I finished the letter, speechless. I didn’t bother to wipe my tears, so it dried up leave two trails of stain at my face. The side of the paper was already crumpled by my grip. I rubbed my eyes and got up.
She was already sleeping at the side of the window. With a slight smile on my face, I patted her head gently, “Thank you. ” Two weeks later, many of my family members and her friends attended her funeral. I was surprised she had many friends. There were small conversations and sobbing everywhere. As for me, all I felt was numbness. It probably happened that way because of the overwhelming emotion- pain. Perhaps my heart enclosed itself to prevent the pain from damaging it’s owner. Emotions such as despair didn’t register into my brain. But I still wanted to question.
Pain, where have mine gone to? Was it because I got used to it? Had I really gotten used to it? I questioned god of the way I felt, and numbness turned into guilt. And this wasn’t what I want either. But still, the thought of my sister able to rest after a long battle, managed to comfort me a little. During the burial ceremony, numerous flower petals were scattered inside the coffin. Even in death, she was like a beautiful maiden in slumber. Her hands were folded neatly, and her beautiful black hair covered with flower petals. The pastor ended the ceremony with a prayer.
The coffin is closed, but there were still people who drop flowers onto her coffin. Workers came and covered her grave. My mother was crying in my father’s arms. It was really a goodbye. Some were crying, some were silent, that was how the crowd showed their appreciation for her. A raindrop fell on my right shoulder. What came after that was nothing but the most appropriate weather for the event. People started to scatter because of the heavy downpour. L, however, was the only person who stood in front of her grave. Ignoring the rain with a bitter smile, I finally asked:” Hey… Do you like the waterfall? ”