For those who ask, the name came from a fortune cookie. The second one said “True love Is right under your nose. “, and I knew that one was a lie. It was bad enough yesterday at the gym, a guy was basically shut down by me after asking my advice on him being in love with a long time girlfriend and planned on going to the next level. My response compared true love to the digestive system. Being led on to is stomach gas before getting disposed in the end. I think after that he got the point to not bother me on that subject In the gym of all places. Does that make me a bad person? A sour person perhaps?
As wrong as It Is to feel that way I think I have the right to. That and having two separate personalities. An angry insecure person that’s basically bi-polar is one due to having a heavy complex and verbal insults. The other, a narcissistic, ego driven person who is compared to violent dictators. Sometimes I think it’s due to past occurrences. Always chasing after pipe dreams, whether It’s goals or relationships. But I know people also have that mentality at times as I sit and watch. Instead of hitting an epiphany, It makes me realize that IM not the only one. Especially recently engine friends go through rough break-ups.
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The difference, one was dumb enough to go back to their ex despite being ignored attention wise, is a lot better than her past relationships. As for the other, I remember when I first saw her at age 1 9 and wanted to be with her based on loving her accent alone as she was already cute. Years later I see her leaving a relationship with a guy who didn’t deserve her IMO. Not because Im the better choice, but the fact it gives off noticeably. But all you can do is support and hope for the best. But I can say this, a woman like her, a GOOD woman like her is very art to find.
Vince Vaughn once mentioned In a interview that If he didn’t make personal goals that there’s no chances disappointments because he didn’t fulfill It. To many, you figure how pathetic. To me, I disagree. In situations Like this you figure, It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because It’s so hard to pep It Inside when you let It out and it doesn’t coma back.
You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing Like that, Is there? I’ve been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head. Somewhere someone is thinking of a lover. Someone is calling that person an angel, best friend, or redeemer. This person is using celestial colors to paint the mental image of something special. Someone is making a vision so beautiful that it can only live In the mind. Someone Is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. So crystalline.
So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. The downward spiral is you will never know how you have categorized my wounds or you would deny it like a immature person. Its so sad that we will never touch again like before. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to have everything that you are… But instead watch. I hate every time walking into the area you call a home and can’t help but feel pure disappointment. I want to leave, I want to tear everything inside. Was it a crime to be the guy who rather see the smile on your face, hold your hand, and brighten my day.
Sounds better than being the guy who begs for a cheap orgasm, then walks away after a few rounds. Which one has a better chance of happening these days? Knowing that now IM Just your comfort fix when things doesn’t go your way is the biggest put-down ever. To give up an item to someone more in need made better sense, rather have my orientation ridiculed and questioned by others. I suppose its better than nothing…? Its already been like this for years, like a clockwork orange. It adds more fuel to the ego-driven monster inside of me that I don’t plan on losing. At lease that personality of me is always reliable.