It was a cold day but I was warm. It was one of those days in the early December when people start to fall in love with the cool breeze of winters. Even though I was warm, I wanted to experience the chill outside. But, I didn’t know whether I was ready for it. I gave her a timid kick with my tiny toe to let her know that it was time that I came out. I felt like a little seed ready to break through and sprout. I was in a situation where I was standing on the edge of the cliff and felt Like Jumping off and I would have never known how It felt until I actually Jumped.
So I did. 10th of December 1995 was the day I came into this world. I felt vulnerable. The wind was chilly and the temperature kept fluctuating. I wasn’t enclosed by the protective shield anymore. I felt like a caged bird let free. I remember I was wincing and trying to tell everyone that I was blinded by the lights, but I did not have the wings of words to do so. So, I just felt helpless. Then, I gradually opened my eyes for the first time and I was enchanted by the sight. The experience was similar to how a blind man would feel when he first opened his eyes.
I saw colors: red, green, blue, yellow and all the others. The first thing remember eyeing was a beautiful creature. She looked at me with eyes full of questions. That creature is now who I know as my mother. We both wanted to talk to each other but couldn’t, as we did not share the same language. Yet, our souls were connected and we were communicating. It was a conversation without words. Rather, It was a conversation that can’t be explained In words. I still remember how It overwhelmed me. It filled up my heart Like there was nothing else that I ever wanted.
That conversation helped me recognize her smell, her touch and the way she held me. It helped me sense her and know who she is. Then, a foreign hand touched me. He led me in his arms so gently as if I was one of the most prized possessions he had ever had. That was my father. He gave a warm smile and I smiled back letting him know that I was already familiar with him and knew who he was. All this while, I was not sure If anybody could understand what I was trying to say and whether or not they could perceive things the way I did.
Even after fabricating that unspoken language, I didn’t know if I made sense to anyone, but, the essence of the language itself unleashed the fact that I was being understood. The azure sky of the conversation was full of words but, the clouds of this language settled in, ringing the blissful rain of understanding. Oblivious to the world, while I was enjoying meeting my parents for the first time, I was interrupted by the sight of some more people. They were my family. But I TLD know them then. I did not feel protected anymore.
It was the first time I experienced fear . I just wasn’t comfortable and wanted to go back where I came from. They all were trying to make me giggle and entertain me. But, they did not seem to understand me. I was frustrated and petrified so I started crying aloud. But, when my mother held me close to her bosom I felt safe again. I realized that crying was my weapon to fight any sort of threat. The familiar faces of my kin. But, I don’t know why they were still not capable of understanding me and were not ready to learn my language.
It made perfect sense to me by the way. For some reason I was always underestimated of my capabilities or maybe I overestimated them. I was devastated to know that nobody even cared enough to learn a few words from my language. So, I Just gave up and decided to learn theirs. I tried hard to speak like them. But, all my attempts were ignored or were found amusing by everyone. Motivation was the last thing I expected from nobody. But I wanted to be understood and I was determined to speak. A few days later I dreamt of talking to everyone and sharing my views and opinions.
The next day I was supposed to complete seven months in this world. Seven months had passed by and I could not communicate with anyone but my parents. I was sitting in front of my family, when suddenly I saw my mother and blurted out ‘mummy in a cute chirpy voice. She had tears in her eyes and everyone else was happy. So was l. Then, there was no looking back. Progressively, I kept learning more words which kept enhancing my vocabulary. I was a part of the grown up conversations. It felt pleasant to get attention and to be understood.
Whenever I look back to this time; I have a tear in my eye, a smile on my lips and nostalgia in my heart. Learning of the language helped me develop as a person. Rather, it helped me to find my existence in this world. Sometimes I wonder how powerful words can be and what a profound effect they have on this world. Yet, there are still some things that are beyond explanation. Sometimes, we all still have to use that unspoken and unwritten language to convey our feelings and emotions to someone significant. Things that mere words cannot explain ; something beyond words…