One can find intimacy from Just basic friendships to family relationships to marital relationships. Intimacy is a “feeling of closeness and connectedness that develops through communication between partners. ” It Is a feeling of acceptance regardless of which “face” Is being presented within the relationship. “Goodman maintains stable couples exhibit ratio of positivist vs.. Negativity, evidenced by indicators such as displaying interests, affection, caring, acceptance, empathy, and Joy.
Below I will be analyzing two couples In reference to Stamen’s Six Traits of Positivist and referencing my findings to the 5:1 ratio of positivist vs.. Negativity In these couples’ relationships. Displaying Interests Couple A: Mike often backs up his wife no matter how many hair brain skims she tends to come up with. He goes by the motto of ‘Happy Wife Equals Happy Life. ‘ Amber Is not great at anything, but is often pretty good at many things. Mike is a laid back guy that just wants to make his wife happy. M: “So how was your time with Angier today? Did you ladies figure everything out with the website? ” A: we did.
She says my website should be up and running tomorrow,” M: “Great, I can’t Walt for you to show me the final product. ” Amber also tries to display Interests In what Mike Likes as well. Mike Is a “man’s man” and likes to often watch sports and do things with his hands. Amber is not a sports fan by any means. She is more of an E! Entertainment type of woman. Mike Is a huge Florida State fan when it comes to football. A: “Who won the game last night? (Winking at Mike)” M: “You know the one and only… (Shouting Oooohhhh Hooey and doing his rendition of a traditional Native American dance)… Florida State. A: “Yeah it was a lose one… 4-21. Florida State almost got that butt SPANKED (saying in joking manner)! M: “Wash babe how cute, you caught part of the game. ” Displaying Interests Couple B: Heather is not a traditional type of gal. She likes to be pampered and is an only child. She thinks that relationships are what they are. Both people are adults and should be treated accordingly. She believes that you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to. Boyd likes to watch and play sports and Heather Likes to shop and have spa days. B: “Honey, I think I am about to go to Swan Lake to go golfing. ” H: “k sweetie. ” 3: “So you think you want come?
Today is a lovely day outside. Great time to learn how to golf. ” H: “No thanks, you know I am not keen on sweating. ” 8: “Well I thought this Is something that we could do for the rest of our lives, together. ” H: “Sweets, are you kidding me? I don’t think so. ” He is not big on shopping, but realizes that Heather loves it. He believes that a real man will get a manicure, especially if his wife likes him to. H: “Man I could use a spa day. My back has been killing me since the baby, and I can’t find time to go. ” Approximately one week later – B: “Honey I was thinking we could spend a little time together today. H: “What did oh have in mind? ” B: “l scheduled us a couple’s spa day. ” Conclusion: When displaying interest, Couple A showed nothing but positivist toward one another. Amber showed interest in the Florida State game by showing Mike that she watched part of the game and knew the score. Mike showed interest in Amber’s website that she was trying to establish. He even told Amber that he could not wait to view the website. Couple B is a little more 50/50 when displaying interest in one another. Boyd shows more interest in Heather by catering to her needing a spa.
He even showed her positivist by not only going along with her, but also by scheduling a pa day for her. Heather was a little bit more negative when Boyd asked her to go golfing with him. She stated that it was not her thing and ultimately did not go with him even after him stressing to her that golf is something he thought they could bond together with. Affection Couple A: Mike and Amber are affectionate in their own way. They are not the type to display PDA, public display of affection. One can find Mike showing Amber affection behind closed doors, but their affection is like a unicorn… You do not always witness it.
Amber nor Mike is the type of person to like to kiss, or how she puts it, slob on her ratters face in public. M: “Man I’m hurting. ” A: “Really, what is hurting? ” M: “Man my upper back and right shoulder is throbbing. ” A: “Let me look at it… I feel the knots, would you like me to rub them out? ” I have witness this same situation happen with Amber, Just with her lower back. Neither person in this couple will be found pawing over one another. They consider themselves traditional in the relationship perspective. A: “Babe, my lower back is hurting. ” (Mike walks over to Amber) M: “Cross your arms over your chest. (Amber crosses arms over chest and Mike gets behind her and picks her up off of the round. Amber’s back pops. ) A: “Thanks babe. ” Affection Couple B: Heather and Boyd are a less traditional couple. They grew up with Backbone, Twitter, and sharing their whole life experience with people via the internet. Heather loves it when Boyd shows PDA. (In the mall) H: “Honey look at this polo shirt. ” (Mike walks over to Heather and she holds the shirt up to his chest. While holding the shirt up, Heather starts to grab Body’s pectoral muscles and moans with SOHO and shahs. ) H: “Boyd your body is so sexy! And likes others to see what he has and flaunt her around. He likes Heather to know hat she is the only one that he desires. He feels he shows her this through PDA. (At the gym walking out to the car getting ready to leave) B: “Honey, the gym is doing your body well! ” (Boyd slaps Heather on the behind. ) B: “Is all of this for me later? ” H: Mimi know it. ” Conclusion: Although both couples are completely different, they still show affection toward each other in both circumstances. Couple A is more traditional, so they show affection by catering to each other’s needs accordingly.
Both Mike and Amber have back problems at times. Massages are often very sensual things whether if doing ceremonially or for necessity. Couple B is more open with their affection with one another. They display it openly without confusion as to what each expects out of one another. Heather does not mind “clawing” her husband in the store of the mall, while Boyd does not mind smacking the butt of his wife in the parking lot of the mall. Both couples show positivist through affection. Caring Couple A: As mentioned before, Mike and Amber are a laid back couple. Mike is the type of guy to not blow things out of proportion.
This cannot be said about Amber when talking about her children. She often tends to freak out about situations. In doctor’s office) A: “I can’t believe that Johnny is going to need to have a tonsillectomy. My baby is going to have to go under. I don’t think he or even I am ready for this. What happens if he doesn’t wake up after surgery? ” (Mike place his hand on his wife’s back and starts to rub her back to comfort her. ) M: “Babe, it will be k. This surgery, now, is so common among young people. Johnny is strong and we need to stay positive about the whole situation.
He’ll get through it. ” Amber knows that Mike is the type of guy to not get upset or affected by things. He is typically cool, calm and collected. Mike moms home upset because he received bad news about his mother’s health. M: “l am really worried about mom. The doctors said that her cancer has come back and she is going to have to start up her chemo again. ” A: “Mike I’m here for you if you need me. Your mother is still pretty healthy. I am sure she will make it through cancer this time as well. ” Caring Couple B: Heather does care for Boyd, but is not always the best at expressing it.
She is often sarcastic and it is not always perceived well among people; it often comes across negatively. Boyd is used to it and overlooks the comments. H: “What’s your deal B: “Eve had a long day at work today. Michele at work lost a big account with Flemings. ” H: “l find it hard to believe Michele lost anything related to food. ” B: (silence and walks away) Boyd let Heather know that he is there for her if she needs him, even if it is Just to vent her problems in the middle of the day. H: “l don’t know how I am going to fire Violet today. My boss says it has to be done today.
I have not had to fire someone before and I feel like it’s going to be awful” B: “Why do you think it will be awful? Didn’t you Just tell me yesterday that Violet has been late 10 times this month and oh have already given her 3 warnings. ” H: anemia I did. ” done. ” Conclusion: Mike and Amber show that they care for one another by being there for each other in their time of need. Mike is there to calm Amber when they find that Johnny is going to have to have a tonsillectomy. He shows that he cares about her feelings by the voice of reason, empowering her to be strong enough for their son.
Heather did not seem to show as much caring as Boyd did for her. They both love and care for one another, but Heather seems to not care about the severity of losing the Alewife account. Boyd shows that he cares about Heather’s situation by to only listening, but reassuring her that her solution is the right one. Acceptance Couple A: Mike and Amber are usually accepting of each other’s decisions. Mike is usually laid back, but when he feels adamant on a particular situation, he will not budge. Mike ultimate goal is for Amber and himself to retire by the age of 55. Amber loves to travel.
On the basis of marriage, Mike stated that he could not live with a woman that wastes money, due to the fact that this would hinder him from his ultimate goal of early retirement. H: “The girls want to take a trip to California to visit wine country this spring. Would you mind if I went? M: “l don’t mind you going… Just don’t bother to come back home after your trip has concluded. ” H: “Mike, it’s Just one trip and it’s not like we don’t have the money. ” M: “l told you about my goals and what I think about premature wasting of money. ” (Heather did not go on trip to California. ) Mike is self-conscious about his sixth toe on his left foot.
He was often teased about it when he was on the swim team. Heather does not hardly remember this about Mike until he decides to bring it up while trying on sandals. M: “l wish I could wear flip flops. ” H: “Why don’t you? I know you are not worried about that toe. No one will notice, sides I love all of you from your head all the way down to your six toes. ” Acceptance Couple B: Boyd always thought he would come home to a nice warm dinner and fresh laundry. Heather as stated before is a little bit pampered. Before they got married, Heather did not know how to do laundry nor cook.
H: “Where are we going to eat tonight? ” B: “l was hoping you might cook dinner. ” H: “Well about that… I do not know how to cook. My mom always did that for me or we just went out for Togo food. Plus honey, you know that I am impatient. I hate waiting for things. ” B: “Well you know I love home-cooked meals, but I love your face even more. I guess I can overlook this one thing. ” (Kisses Heather) Heather is not a fan of sports, but one thing she dislikes more than playing sports is watching them via video game. Boyd loves to not only play sports, watch them, but also to play them on his Palpitations.
H: “How much longer are you going to be playing Madden? ” B: “l am not sure, why? ” H: “l might go to the movies with Brazilin. ” Conclusion: Mike is not as accepting of Amber going to California for wine country. He knows she wants to go, but has his eye on the prize, early retirement. Taking frivolous vacations is something that he is not accepting of in Embers past life. Amber is excepting of Mike’s sixth toe. Mike is obviously has issues that he battles with this, but Amber shows him that she is totally accepting of this small thing by stating that one another.
Heather accepts Body’s sporting while video gaming as well. She does not get mad when Boyd plays Madden on Palpitations. Rather than Heather getting mad or agitated, she simply finds different ways of staying busy. Empathy Couple A: Mike shows empathy to his wife Amber all the time. He lives by the code of ‘Happy Wife Equals Happy Life. ‘ This allows him to tend to Amber’s needs as needed. A: “Do you think I look fat? ” M: “l can understand that you may feel like you look fat, but let me reassure you that you definitely don’t! If you want we can start walking around the neighborhood after dinner. Empathy Couple B: Boyd empathic with the fact that Heather was adopted. (Heather is crying. ) H: “l hate the fact that I do not know my real family. I wish I knew my biological family to help me understand why I do some of the things I do. ” B: “l am sorry that your mother gave you up for adoption. I could hire a private detective to help you find her so that we can learn your heritage. ” Heather is not the most emotional person. Boyd moieties goes to Heather when he has difficulty with different situations. They both go to one another, but they do not handle these situations the same way.
B: “l can’t believe the doctor said that my mom has only a couple more years to live. I feel like I should spend as much time as possible with her. ” H: “l am sorry to hear about Momma Ann, but you should spend time with her Just because. It should not have come to her dying for you to spend time with her. At least you know who your real mother is and where you come from. ” Conclusion: Empathy is the ability to understand feeling that people want to share. Empathy is also being able to not only understand but also relate to the person even though you may not have experienced the same thing yourself.
Mike shows empathy toward Amber when she thinks she is fat. He also go to the extent of having a feasible solution for both of them to participate in. Boyd also shows empathy to the situation that Heather is going through. Heather has a hard time with the fact that she was adopted and does not know her heritage. He shows her that he feels for her situation, but offers to aid in finding her mother by hiring a detective. Heather, a sarcastic being, does not do a retreat Job of showing empathy toward Body’s situation of losing his mother in the next couple of years.
She shows remorse toward his situation, but brings it back to her by stating that she never got to know her own mom and he should be lucky in that experience alone. Joy Couple A: Mike and Amber bring Joy to each other’s life. Mike will often bring Amber flowers to her work for no apparent reason. He listens to Amber and tries to get her not only what she wants, but also what she needs. Since Mike did not allow Amber to go to California, he decided to ask her on a weekend getaway to Chattanooga. He thought it loud be extremely cheaper, while showing initiative to his non-demanding wife.
This gesture floored Amber. Thus making a happy Amber which in turn creates a Boyd and Heather bring Joy to each other’s life as well. Boyd schedules biweekly dates for Heather and himself to go on. Heather and Boyd enjoy hanging out with friends, but really enjoy alone time through dinner since they recently had a baby. The biweekly dinners that are scheduled bring Joy to both sides of the couple. Conclusion: Both couples bring Joy to one another. Mike made Amber Joyful after the straight up NO he gave her in reference to the California girl’s trip.
He knew that eating out and doing something in another town would be enough for Amber for the time being and show that he does care about her feelings. This makes Amber happy, which makes Mike happy. Boyd and Heather bring Joy to each other’s life by concentrating on the relationship and creating alone time for one another. This allows for them to be able to keep connect and keep their love alive. 5:1 Ratio for couple A: YES 5:1 Ratio for Couple B: YES but Heather makes it really close too not 5:1 ratio. She is often selfish and does not listen or make Boyd a priority. This makes this couple on the borderline of not being completely stable.